Okay, so we have this friend Kyle, alright? And he's like, the most whiny bitch I've ever met in my whole life. Worse than Logan, though Logan's not really a bitch. Come to think of, he doesn't whine either. He just sits with the chair on face, making meaningless threats, as we sit on the chair that's on his face. Anyways, Kyle. He has this obsession with redheads. And he says he's destined to find and marry this chick 'Roni'. Or 'Rena'. He has two. We think he's a polygamist in disguise that sick bastard. But he has these two imaginary chicks that he's so in love with, which, by the way, is kind of annoying when he's fairly attractive, despite his 'inability to hold an erection on the high holy days'. Sorry, Rent quote. He's also a Rent fan, which is about the only good thing he's got going for him. Oh yeah, that and his art, but he thinks he sucks at it anyways, so who gives a shit? Turns out he's actually quite talented, but because he's an arragont asshole, he won't listen to what any of us have to say. And if you don't believe, compare some of my shitty work to his. Trust me, it'll be like comparing a Picasso on crack to DiVinci. Not that DiVinci was good or anything, though that book by Dan Brown, The DiVinci Code was hella awesome.

 

Anyways.

 

Kyle is this hobo who lives down the block... No, wait, that's Jack. Kyle is in my Drama class and he constantly flirts with girls all the time, but we all think he's gay because he's constantly listening to Barbera Streissand, and what's worse, singing to it too. And we think he has a secret fetish for Hitler mustaches. And boobs. But who doesn't have a secret fetish for boobs, or not so secret, whichever the case may be. So yeah, he's always flirting but when we confront him on it or one of the girls asks him on a date, he goes into Angst mode, where he's like, "No girl could ever love me. I'm so fugly and talentless." Which, I could agree with, at times. He has a terrible temper too. He's got alcohol in his blood. Always.

 

So yeah, in conclusion, Kyle is an angsty, whiney, annoying bitch whom we love to hate. That man-whore.

~Random Ranter

Full Metal Alchemist. The newest and hottest anime. Like hentai but not. It's only got such a fan-base that people know about it because it's on Cartoon Network, so people with no real knowledge of anime or manga are crazy assed fans. And it's rather annoying, because we've got ten year olds on our forums, screaming in really bad hacked english, because their too lazy to fucking type it all out. And then you get these people who have no idea that another version exists, let alone that the other version is the ORIGINAL. I mean, damnit people, if you're going to watch a show, and spew meaningless drivvle of "i luv it soooooooooooo much!!!!111!" than at least know  what the hell it is your drivvling about. It is an awesome anime, but you people who watch it without being able to read the subtitles quickly enough to catch the frickin' story line, just shut the hell up. And then they don't even know that a manga exists about it, (which, by the way, I highly recommend) and those who DO know that one exists, can't even pronounce the word 'manga' correctly! And they buy these shirts without knowing anything about what's going on on them. All they think is, "Hey! I'm gonna looks cool to my assinine moronic little bastard jiggly friends!"

 

In the words of VG Cats:

 

"Why don't you shut the hell up and I kick your ass? Equivilant exchange bitch!"

~Random Ranter

What's with this Doctor Phil guy? I watched one of his shows the other day and I swear, it was like he was a complete crack head. You can see in his eyes, he thinks he can say whatever the hell he wants to say, because he knows by now that most people will take it as doctrine. It's ridiculous. I can just see it. He's up on stage, his balding head all shiny-like, and this frumpy girl asks him, "Doctor Phil, why won't anyone love me?" And he'll reply ever so wittily, "Because you're a hobo dearie! And nobody loves hobos, anybody who's anybody knows that!" And one of his technical assistants will come onto the stage and whisper to him, "Uh... sir, I'm not sure you're allowed to say things like that on stage..." And Phil won't respond, he'll merely turn to the audience and reply, "So that's why you kids should never have oral sex until you've both had your dentists confirm that you don't have genital warts of the rectum. I'm gonna do the Robot dance now!" And he will proceed to stiffen his arms and do the robot. Gracefully too. His technical assitant will say, "Sir you can't do this!" "Does-not-compute-!"

And the camera will pan away, and the crowd will be in awe, all taking down notes, and shifting their arms to mimick his, and nudging their neighboors, as if to say, "Am I doing this right?"

Now Opera on the other hand, is one of the most bad-ass chicks I've ever met. Oh wait, I forgot. I haven't met her.

Yet.

~RandomRanter

Have you ever actually read the names of some of the things that we as consumers buy? I mean, what the hell? Pledge furniture polish. What the hell does 'Pledge' have to do with furniture? "We hearby pledge to keep your furniture nice and sku-wheeky clean!" I could understand if that was what was on their product, but no, what does it say? "Natural Beauty Every Time You Dust." What hippy wrote that? Just some things boggle my mind.

Some of the commercials people come up with too... I want a commercial that doesn't tell me anything about the product, makes some kind of a racial slur, and includes either sex or violence. That's what I want in a commercial. No one cares about the product, sex sells! You're lightbulb may last longer than their's but look at their commercial! It's... it's impressive! It has vikings! VIKINGS! I'm sorry, but I just can't resist the Vikings. Especially when they are wearing armor made of razor blades. Sharp, pointy razor blades.

And Boston pencil sharpeners? I just don't understand. "I'll sharpen your pencils with the power of... POINTY BOSTON!" I'm sorry, but Boston is not exciting or pointy, in fact it's rather dull and filled with goo. Historical goo, but goo none the less. And that doesn't make me want to buy your product. It only makes me want to jab pencils into my eyes and spit angrily. Pencil that, by the way, I sharpened with a DIFFERENT brand of pencil sharpener. Because I just don't like you.

So when you're driving down the highway tommorow, and dodging that hedgehog that fell out of the pick up truck in front of you, read the billboards, and think of me.

~RandomRanter

You want to know something I hate? Well, I mean, besides you of course. And you probably don't want to know, but you're going to hear it anyways, because I couldn't care less about what you think. You wouldn't have come here unless you interested in my infinately amazing wisdom of sex. Er... Anyways. I hate it when people just let their dogs shit in their front lawns. Honestly people, what the hell are you thinking? I'm going to be walking past your lawn, other people are going to be walking past your lawn, and the last thing I want to see is your dog's nasty shit all over your lawn. You have a back yard for that. Decorate your BACK lawn. I think it should be outlawed as like, air pollution or eye pollution or something stupid. We could even call it noise pollution for all I care just so long as it stops. I mean, people walk past your lawn daily! You're not the only one who sees your front lawn for Christ's sake, think about it! The front lawn is like the window to the home, you can tell what kind of a life people live by how their yard looks. You don't want me to think that you're sloppy shitty assholes, do you? No. So here's my plan, I say we kill all the people that let their dogs do that, skin them, and their dogs shit on their skins. How's that for cruel and unusual punishment and torture, eh Bush?

~RandomRanter